Isn't it time you came out of the closet? Help us fight "accordion abuse" by joining CAPA. Who can become a member? Anyone who can mark at least one of the following statements as "true."

• You know the difference between Frankie Yankovic and Weird Al Yankovic.
  
  
• You can play the Clarinet Polka.
  
  
• You own an autographed picture of Myron Floren.
  
  
• You once played the accordion in a Kiwanis Stars of Tomorrow Talent Show, or tried out for Ted Mack's Original Amateur Hour.
  
  
• You can play absolutely anything in polka time.
  
  
• If you are a female, you are tired of speculation about how you keep your breasts from getting caught in the bellows, or whether or not there is such a thing as a "C" cup accordion.
  
  
• You grit your teeth when you hear the words Beer Barrel Polka or "How's about a little Lady of Spain?" (Contrary to popular belief, accordionists do know other songs.)
  
  
• You wish someone like Tom Cruise, Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp, Jennifer Aniston or Julia Roberts would take up the accordion.
  
  
• You've got at least one accordion stashed in a closet somewhere, or sitting in your mother's basement.
  
  
• You don't play the accordion yourself, but you love someone who does.
  
  
• You don't play the accordion yourself, but you have the good sense to wish that you did.
  
  
• You are willing to take the following pledge: I solemnly swear, if I ever dress up as a nerd on Halloween, never, ever to use the accordion as part of my costume.

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